ABOUT

Cypress is a green cat with wings. They wear the hat that is hard to draw, baseball caps (sometimes), this weird thing on their neck (WTF is dat!?). They also often wield a magical umbrella. Personality.

During the school year, Cypress lives in a dorm at Terror University. Otherwise, they live in an apartment in Friendship City. They are friends with Mar. I don't know how, because he doesn't live anywhere near Cypress. That's it. I'm writing this later.

Cypress does not have a family. They do not know their biological mother (neither do I) nor father.

They are a classy Friendship City journalist and investigator whose work more involves having disputes over billboards with The Futurists. They have Forress Weshell as their apprentice.

They are an undergraduate student at Terror University and plan to graduate in May 2024. During breaks, they go back to their apartment in Friendship City. Wait. How TF do they get money? Oh right. Private investigation. Well, as it turns out, it is not enough money when there's the addition of their school tuition. That's why, despite being asexual, they do sex work at Hunky's Kink Beer. Could they have picked some other job?

Yes. But Cypress remembered that their late ex-best friend Rivers (the pink dog) made a lot of money from doing suck work. I mean such work. They plan to put an end to this practice after they graduate. Or pay off their student debt. Or something. This is a long ass paragraph. Dang. I'm probably gonna rip this in half or something. There, I just did. Wait. I already put half of this information in the Backstory area. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. Dang. I'll just remove it.

Despite not being feral, they sometimes say "meow" or "meow meow" after sentences. No one knows why they do this. It's probably because they are a cat.

BACKSTORY

Cypress and Piq-Al-Eni did crimes together in Radia, CT. They were his pet, the little cat the police wouldn't dare investigate but they always had some form of drugs hidden in their fur. That's how they made a living off of Thwemmil trafficking. Anyway. Cypress made a friend, eventually. His name was Rivers, and he was a pink dog. He became Piq's other pet. Or child. Or [QJ]'s pet. QJ? Who is dat!? Wait. Let's start from the beginning.

Cypress was separated from their parents when they were a baby. Why? I don't know. Cypress' biological father is a bird - that is how Cypress got their wings. The bird is also the biological father of Nanika. The bird also used to beat Sepitina in her cage while she was still owned by [CoJu]. The bird is probably [CoJu]'s pet.

Cypress was adopted by Piq-Al-Eni in 2003. Or stolen. One of those. Nevertheless, he raised Cypress like they were his child. But they were actually his pet. Not his child. Anyways, while committing massive amounts of crime. What? Anyways, Piq was a real crime enjoyer, and this greatly influenced Cypress. They also became a crime enjoyer but only for the next 16 or so years. Witnessing illegal substance and organ trafficking and massive bloodshed became normal. Well, not really the latter. If a massacre happened in the small town of Radia every day, then the entire population would've been wiped out within a year. Then the United States would declare a state of emergency and Piq would have been on the top of the FBI's most wanted list. He But But he probably was.

During the summer of 2006, Cypress met Rivers at the park. Or the cafe.

They took their umbrella from Wyllisk Slasgay Uhwall, the king of northwest Connecticut. The umbrella is Wyllisk's right eye, and he wants it back.

In September 2019, Cypress enrolled into Terror University, a university in in the nearby city of Terror, CT. As Cypress became more involved in their study, they started to drift away from their life of crime. This slowly created tensions between them and Rivers. In September 2020, this escalated into a violent dispute between the two, leading to Cypress fatally shooting Rivers. After this, Cypress would change their major to Criminology. Is that a real major or did I just make that up? I hope it's real.

In Cypress' later university years, they were low on money. Cypress was struck by lightning in Terror University's field of eggs. After this, they decided to do sex work, because they remembered that Rivers got a lot of money from doing it. Yes. But Cypress remembered that their late ex-best friend Rivers (the pink dog) made a lot of money from doing suck work. I mean such work. They plan to put an end to this practice after they graduate. Or pay off their student debt. Or something.

REFERENCE

MAIN GALLERY

MISC GALLERY

DEVELOPMENT

2023

On November 22, CoMo and CoJu were playing a role-playing game, I mean, experience, sorry Roblox, on Roblox. CoJu decided to make a furry character.

On November 23, CoMo made a furry character in The Neighborhood to companion Cypress. This character would be Rivers Bedrock Wida-Es. Immediately after, CoMo decided that Rivers is dead because Cypress killed him. Which is correct. The destination of everything is death and destruction. War is inevitable. We are all just atoms on a rock with no impact on the grand scheme of the universe.

On December 10, CoMo tried drawing Cypress' umbrella but of course he drew it very incorrectly. He turned the drawing into a depiction of a giant with umbrellas for eyes and a mouth. The giant became Wyllisk Slasgay Uhwall.

2024

On Twerk Day, CoMo and CoJu decided to make Cypress a sex worker. I forgot why.

On January 29, while writing a novel, CoMo and CoJu implied that Cypress' distaste in bloody crimes happened before their enrollment in Terror University. Earlier on the same day, CoMo established that Cypress ran away from Piq because, in addition to bloody crimes, Piq kept misgendering Cypress after they came out. Yet in another addition to this ever expanding list of so far three items of why Cypress ran away from Piq is that Piq had become an even crazier man in the nearly 20 years that Cypress had known him. Even more few days earlier, it was established that Ash Visage stole Piq's hat and that Piq tried chasing him afterwards. This was the distraction that Cypress needed to run away.

On January 30, I slightly modified the layout of this page. I am also canonizing a bunch of stuff. -CoMo. But you didn't need to know that. I haven't seen CoJu in ages.

APPEARANCES IN CobeJoumedia Inc. PRODUCTIONS

Cypress first appeared in A3. Jeremiah then said "GET THAT CAT OUT!" and then kicked them out. Then Jeremiah told everyone to "GO BACK TO WORK!!" and then Jimmy said "I beg mercy and forgiveness."

Cypress is the main character of a novel that CoMo and CoJu are currently working on. Its working title is "Cypress The Connectican", but I want to change it to "Cypress In Terror". This is to make the connection that a significant part of the plot is about Cypress getting into Terror University.